Facebook. Many people have a love/hate relationship with it. I feel the same. Except when browsing through my “On This Day” feed. The On This Day feature brings your stories/statuses up from years past on each day. Today’s reminded me of just how long we’ve been dealing with Xzavier’s seizures. 7 long years. 7 years of seizures, doctor appointments, medicines, medicine changes, testing, sleep studies, etc. And we’re still in the thick of it. What I mean by that is, we’re still working to get him completely seizure free.
When I saw the post, it brought up so many memories of the time we spent in the Children’s Hospital to get him diagnosed. I shared the post and just started typing. My emotions, my feelings, my thoughts.
It’s raw and uncut and unedited so excuse my grammar (I’m looking at you grammar police)
7 years ago I was getting my life back to normal or rather back to a new normal. After spending 5-6 days in the children’s hospital with my son and family to figure out what was going on with my baby boy.
The diagnosis, Complex Partial Seizures.
Our life was halted. Our life would never be normal again.
7 Years later we are still working on getting him seizure free. Life goes on, you get back to a somewhat normal life and you keep going, until he has a seizure. Then you are torn apart and reminded that your life isn’t quite normal as you want it to be.
He had a seizure last week at the dinner table. It had been quite a while since we saw one and it almost broke my heart. I could see it on my husband’s face too.
When you’re looking at your kid wishing, hoping and praying to any and all God’s above that you could just take them away from your son. Then come talk to me because I know how that feels. I have prayed to my Creator and probably yours too, for a cure. For something to take these away from my kid.
He happened to have a checkup with his neuro last week too, the seizures are still coming, the medicine isn’t controlling them completely. So guess what I get to do? I get to watch my son go through test after test to find out if he can have surgery….ON HIS BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!! Like can you even fathom those words? Can you take that in? Because I can’t….but I don’t have a choice. Because I can’t break, I can’t slip up and show him I’m scared. I cannot!
But I’m freaking the hell out over here!!
I don’t want your sympathy, I just say all that to say, sometimes you truly don’t know what another person is carrying on their spirit. So be kind to someone today. Even if it’s yourself.
*credits: digital scrapbooking layout made by me using kits from Creashens Designs
Thanks for reading.